About, Musings on Life

Spring

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A month ago, the weather around here suddenly got warm. People like to say it went straight from winter to summer, snowing one day and bright and sunny the next. Lately I have seen more signs of spring than simply the weather. Flowers are blossoming and young squirrels are exploring the world for the first time. Spring is a time of growth and rebirth. The process of spring is a slow unfolding, each flower blossoming petal by petal. I love spring and I find spring to be inspiring, but as in most things I try to rush. I want the summer pay-off now. I want to do all the things. I often do more than is wise and end up paying for it later with exhaustion, or overwhelm. I struggle with recognizing the warning signs within myself until it is too late.

In my journey towards a more intentional life, I am paying attention this time. I am noticing. I am studying the warning signs. Spring is a reminder to me to rededicate myself to the slow. To relish in the small, to take things step by step. To not go too far and push myself in a way that requires rest to continue. I used to push past this point, and ignore my overwhelm. I though this was working and was sufficient. I thought just pushing and doing more was the answer, but it wasn’t along the way I started to pick up habits for coping, drinking copious amounts of caffeine, and eating in excess were the norm. I was so exhausted I fell asleep at a concert. I was frequently sick and took my health for granted. I have started cutting out those habits, no longer drinking excessive caffeine and I am starting to listen to my body when it comes to food. This has not been my norm. As I challenge myself in this way, other habits come up as always do and force me to really see myself. Hopefully now though those insights do not need to become fully fledged habits in order to be overcome. Spring is a time to start over and try again, as many times as it takes. To go slow and be intentional, to consider the impact of my actions on me and my relationships. I can grow and change and build, but one step at a time not all at once, that is not sustainable for me. My goal now is more permanence rather than short term gain at the expense of my sanity. I will look to the world around me to remind me. Thank you spring.

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