About, Food, Musings on Life

My Biggest Enemy is Myself

I am struck time and time again by how much my thoughts influence how I feel and how I act.

Loaf of bread on a cutting board
Oh food, my greatest love and my stumbling block.

This week in particular I am realizing how much my thoughts about myself, not being capable of change or growth lead to feeling bad and for me that all leads to eating. Eating out of stress and anxiety not out of true hunger. My mind changes everything. I decided midweek that this was something I was completely capable of changing, and that mental shift made all the difference. I no longer feel worried that I am going to starve at the first pang of hunger. I know everything is okay. I am okay. I know that I can trust myself, that I will eat when I am hungry and not eat out of boredom. I feel capable on that front.

What I realized later in the week is my next motivation to eat when I am not hungry is when I am overtired or sleepy. I get oddly creative in those moments, envisioning what I can create from our kitchen, brownies, cookie dough, or blondies. Even in a sleepy hunger, I am oddly motivated to make things challenging. Usually though my body is not hungry, I just want sugar because I am exhausted.

I wonder when I will actually know these things off the bat and not be caught off guard. I find myself still surprised and still learning. I do not know these basic signals until after the fact. I wonder if life will always be like this, me still learning after the fact until it becomes obvious and second nature. My thought patterns are my stumbling blocks. Especially those that I was unaware existed. This may always be the case. The few things I can take comfort in is that I am paying attention and learning as I go. I also know I have grown. Last week, I started using an old journal as my current journal. Reading through the entries I realize how much I have grown and changed from then until now. Growth is the goal, not perfection. Mostly because perfection does not exist and as we learn and know better on a practical level we do better, we continue to learn and grow always.

This week I wish you hope in your journey and know that it is a process. How have you grown? How do you get in your own ways? What thought patterns are stumbling blocks for you?


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